Planning Your Karma

I hate being angry at night. Really I do.

It keeps me up. The very feeling that keeps me boiling with anger keeps me from that restful state of sleep. So now its 2am and I have to be up in about 3 hours to get ready for a long week of work and I can't sleep. That's gonna piss me off even more.

Anyway, lots on my mind. Recurring theme in my life and I figure if I blog it maybe it won't bother me as much and my tail can get to bed sometime soon.

I HATE PEOPLE WHO JUDGE ME. I know, I know that's an obvious. Who actually likes being judged right? Anyway I had to say it, now its out in the atmosphere. Those of you reading who like to judge me AND try to tell me about it, take this as your fair warning. Stop the bullshit. Anything about me that makes you think you have a right to tell me what I should do without me asking you for advice lets me know YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL. I don't know if its the fat cheeks, or my ridiculous trust in telling more of my business to people regularly than I care to admit, but trust me, I'm not that nice. I might be smiling at you but if you're pissing me off I'm probably planning for karma to have a passionate date with you.

Actually there's quite a few people who can sit and tell you a personality profile of me that's absolutely wrong. I'm probably to blame for that since the social worker in me has a tendency to play nice rather than cause a scene. I'm getting old though and too tired to play games. I think the thing that surprises me most about it is the sheer energy people put into trying to tell me what they think I should do in a situation. Let me help you out, I'm probably gonna either 1- side eye you 2-tell you fuck off 3-not tell you fuck off but delegate you to that list of mine of people in my life I totally ignore. ( I promise you if you're part of #3, that's the worst one).

There's actually quite a list of people in my life who are part of #3. I can I therapize myself (yep, I made up a word) enough to know that knowing this means I'm not doing something right. No one should have more than a extra nosey co-worker or two who falls in that category randomly. I'm working on it, call it bucket list item #1, get rid of the energy stealing, judgmental but would never make it a day in my shoes people from my life.

So if you open your mouth to say "Oh Sophie you know that's how you are"....or anything even close to it....you've gotten something wrong and are putting me in a box I'm going to bust out of. Those are those "I know Sophie in real life" people who balk in shock when they STALK me on one of those social networks and read something they didn't expect. Actually those are the MOST judgmental. Those "Family" members, "friends", "co-workers" etc....smh....actually if you are one of those and are actually FUN to interact with THANK YOU. I appreciate you remembering how important it is to be supportive, communicative and REAL.

You all are making social networks NOT fun. I'm already FAKE AS HELL on Facebook. I post song lyrics, a couple of random pictures here and there and when I'm feeling extra nice, let FB guilt me into saying Happy Birthday to people I don't even see or speak to in real life. Too many legions of people from various parts of my life that can't really intersect. So yeah, I hope you know that really isn't all of me, therefore not the REAL me.

And Twitter, you used to be fun, but lately some of my @ replies and DM's read like folks wanting to be my conscience. Let me help you out. If you're one of the 150 or so people following me, let me be me. I'm not perfect, I'm not always nice, and sometimes I even tweet just to vent (Shock!). Try not to ruin this for me will ya? Just go ahead and unfollow if for some reason you still think I'm 12 years old or because I'm a therapist everything always comes out nice and non controversial. My feelings won't be hurt...I'll actually respect you more.

Social networks are supposed to be mindless fun, and give people a too open view of your private life...I know sounds kinda stalkerish but that's the world we live in. We have fun on those things just to pass a little time then we turn off the computer and go out and live real life. Some of you need to learn how to do those two separate things but that's another time for another post.

Anyway I think I've rambled enough for one post. So to recap: I'M ANGRY & DON'T JUDGE ME. Actually those two aren't related to each other right now but both worthy enough to say.

I'm still angry. Typing this out didn't do a damn thing for me.

You know what, its out there.

Here's hoping I fall asleep (soon) and wake up in a better mood than I am now.