In a blah kind of a mood today....woke up early with every intention of being productive. Figured out I had 4 loads of laundry to do and absolutely no quarters. Productivity canceled I jumped back into bed and laid there for a while trying to will myself back to sleep. Side note, I can NEVER just fall asleep just because. My eyes are only closing when I'm sleepy, so yeah....I hate those folks who can just will themselves to sleep.
I've had nothing of substance to eat today. A slice or two of leftover pizza, some sunflower seeds, tortilla chips and an apple....and I'm thinking that's probably it for the night. Don't even need to log that, I'm sure my sodium intake for the day is off the charts.....and I don't even like salt like that.
Took me all day to try to snap myself out of the blahzay attitude I was in. There's a group of people I'm going to interact with tomorrow who'll more than likely be much more excited than I. Somehow I've gotten to match that interest with even a little bit of enthusiasm. It isn't fair to them to not meet their excitement with some semblance of joy. Yup, tomorrow's an important day and I've got to face that....its the first day of school at my job.
That's what it is people, that darn first day of school feeling. I don't have it. Now of course it isn't MY first day of school, I work year round. There's no newness in anything other than that fact that I can now start the newsletters I draft, the 09-10 school year. But I'm going to face a group of kids who's going to be happy just because they have that first day of school feeling...new teachers, new clothes, new classes, you remember don't you??
I don't' remember a lot about my early school days, but I do remember my first day of junior high school. I had transferred to another neighborhood cause my Mom had bought her first house. So joining JHS (or IS as my NY school system deemed it) with a new set of kids was frightening, yet exhilarating. I don't remember much about that day other than the HUGE fashion faux pas that was my Haitian hair-do complete with multi-colored ribbons braided into my plaits, frilly pseudo silk shirt, non- jordache jeans, and off brand, Jamaica Avenue patent leather shoes. Yeah I screamed Caribbean fashion no no, and couldn't even use the "fresh off the plantain boat" excuse. I was just wack like that (stop laughing). It was met with kids in fashionable jeans, tee-shirts and fresh reeboks, British Knights, etc. By the way, not much has changed over the years, I peeped a pic of me in skinny purple jeans my first year in college....so yeah I have a tendency to knock up the wackness meter on my first day of school in each era of my life.
Nevertheless my "what not to wear" first day outfits aside, you can't escape that first day of school feeling. The ability to wash clean your life from the year before with a brand new Trapper Keeper, intent upon being the best you're gonna be each new school year. You walk into your classroom with your head held high daring anyone to tell you you're not going to be IT this year. Remember the first time you wrote in your brand new black and white composition notebook? I vowed to have the neatest handwriting ever and wrote ever so carefully it whatever style I had chosen to imitate that year. Yeah even my handwriting changed year to year....re-creating a new me.
You meet up with old friends, check out new ones....and re-affirm your commitment to starting over, a year old with a new class schedule to get through.... 7SP, 8SP, 10th, 11th & 12th grade Latin mini....all the way up to my freshman dorm in Hunt Hall in Williamsburg VA. Every year is a new accomplishment and there's nothing like participating in dorm room lottery each year during college to force you to choose roommates and re-establish your commitment towards bettering yourself. Grad school followed with me knocking my GPA out of the box towards my new found career.
I'm realizing now that's what's missing from my quest to better myself. There's no "first day of ---" feeling anymore. Adult life is about routine, consistency and an insane quest to be as productive as can be each day. Work days are filled with well....work, weekend end days involve a Groundhog's day repeat of house chores, bills and errands mixed with occasional outings , holidays involve trying to circumvent those painful "why aren't you married yet?" looks and conversations....and dreading that countdown back to work and weekend responsibilities. Yeah, the year changes and those who try to channel those re-affirming days test out their ability to hold on to New Years Resolutions....quickly forgotten by January 22nd of the same year.
Adult life should have a "first day of ....well.....adult life" at set intervals. That opportunity to leave behind the old and start afresh would be welcome. I can give myself a renewed vision for the work day forgetting those old habits and trying something new....maybe change positions each year. Hmmm maybe I'm on to something, instead of being the Social Worker this year I can be the Teacher. Then next semester switch to the Janitor, followed by the Director, followed by the Occupational Therapist. Something, anything to put that fresh smile on.....wonder if my co-workers are down for that.....lol
So I'm headed to my closet to pick out my "first day of Adult life" Year 10, outfit. I guess what I'll do is take whats fashionably in right now and do the exact opposite....no need to do anything different than I always have....which leaves me in a too small jumper, skinny heels, and heck, maybe I'll even wrap some multicolored ribbons around my locs to channel my JHS days....
Wait.....where's my darn Trapper Keeper???
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