I'm completely overwhelmed and if I could shut off the world for a week and do nothing but sleep I'd do it. In a heartbeat. It's one of those moods where anything will make me snap. And a simple question I've asked today on social media is my undoing. Two hours later and the tears falling from my eyes are from fear, frustration and anger.
Today reminds me of that dumb person who told me after my dx of cancer and hysterectomy "I'm praying and believing in God for the replacement of your organs". Trust me 11 years later and I STILL remember that.
Fast recap. I'm sick. Yes, still. I know you all saw a picture of me smiling Saturday. It was a genuine smile. I managed to eek up every ounce of energy I had left from my latest medical ordeal and spent a few hours at an outdoor viewing of the Sound of Music. Did I mention it was a singalong? A rare moment to revel in the sheet beauty of something I love. Yeah I was in too much pain to sit up for the whole show, I spent most of it laying flat on my back. But sing along I did.
Once the credits rolled on the screen it was like a crash landing back to reality. I didn't tell anyone but pain and nausea had me swallowing back my tears as we carried all the stuff back to the car. I spent the better part of yesterday sleeping/resting it off.
Here's the reality. Another almost bowel obstruction this past Tuesday night gave me almost 12 hours in and ER where they have me a dose of morphine, Zofran and a ct scan for the ER Doc to casually say to me "Oh it's just lots of intestinal inflammation and twisted intenstines" and send me on my way with some Percocet, anti nausea meds and a "follow up with your Gaatro Specialist as soon as you can".
Now it's 6 days later and thankfully I'm not writhing in pain anymore. I am however unable to eat solids, immediately feeling full and in moderate pain and nausea even with liquids, and probably dehydrated and tired as hell. And realizing my apartment is messy, I've got paperwork due at the office tomorrow, a testimony for a client I still haven't read the disclosures for and a refrigerator that needs cleaning out before the Peapod delivery that came this morning gets put away. Oh and laundry that still needs to be folded.
I tried to make a protein smoothie this morning to see if I could handle a little but more. 5 oz took me 20 min to drink and then my stomach revolted.
I have to go back to work tomorrow even though in a perfect world I'd stay home a while longer to really give myself a chance to recover. The pile of unopened medical bills from May are growing though so I have to drug up and make it in any way that I can.
I asked what I thought was a simple question to help me prepare for what life in public is going to be like tomorrow and now and still crying about the apathy, meanness, and sheer neglect I got in response.
Here's what I need. I need to find a place that sells SMALL adult smoothie/travel cups. At this point I can only take in about 4 oz of liquids at a time a couple times a day. Making a 20 ounce smoothie in a large cup is great but those 20 oz takes me 2 days to drink. I'm looking for ADULT sippy cups (to make it absolutely plain). Cups with lids that carry ideally ONLY 4-6 oz of fluids. It's much easier for me to pack 3-4 small cups that only hold that much for the workday. I can't keep thawing and refreshing a regular 16 oz coffee mug/smoothie cup 4 times a day.
I have plenty of regular smoothie cups. PLENTY. I am asking for HELP in finding NON REGULAR sized smoothie cups. I can't walk around with toddler sippy cups at work. Nor is it funny for you to think so. (Trust me, someone thought it would be funny for me to do).
I really need the help researching. Please don't simply tell me Walmart, Target, Costo, The Dollar Store, Marshall's etc sell what I need because:
1- They sell REGULAR (min amt 12oz) adult cups generally.
2-They sell mini cups for toddlers that LOOK LIKE MINI CUPS FOR TODDLERS.
3-Your casual response tells me that you either didn't read my help request fully the first time or you didn't care. Or that you don't know what the difference is between a mini cup and the regular cups you can find anywhere.
None of those responses help me to be quite frank. I walk/Metro to work and buying 16 ounce cups to fill 4 oz of liquids in is a whole lot of large cups I'd have to carry on my back.
I didn't @ anyone specifically to ask for help. I just put it out there because I figured maybe someone is a nurse, a med tech, a caregiver, or an avid researcher who could genuinely point me on the right direction. I welcomed questions so I can clarify why the travel mug Starbucks sells doesn't meet my meds right now. Or hell even tell me that you don't know what 4 oz looks like as compared to the zillions of travel cups I can stumble across. All I really need for you to do is LISTEN to what I need before you respond.
And if you don't know than that's ok too. Hell I don't know. All I know is that everyone always tells me to ask for help. And to be honest. So there it is. Honesty. If I could find this what it doesn't do is cure the pain I'm in. It does make it a little easier for me to make it through my workday the best way I can. And it lets me know that in the rare occasion I ask for help, some folks will actually try to give it. Genuinely. And won't argue my responses when I tell you that's not what I needed.
Cause the truth of the matter is I don't have any energy to argue you right now. Or to try to justify your non answer. Or to laugh off your flippant responses. Or to act like you posting jokes about my desperate need for help is ok. It's not ok.
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