Design of a Decade....

I'm thinking I should have some type of heartfelt post here but I think in this last few minutes before I can officially call myself a 10 year cancer survivor, all I really feel is numbness and an uncontrollable need for the clock to move quicker than it is today.

Its kinda weird. Not even really sure why this 10 year mark is so amazingly huge to me but it is. Something about the shift of a decade that makes you feel like something is REALLY in the past. I'm barely awake but I'll stay up for these last 26 minutes just to see the clock strike 12 midnight and suddenly I'll be on the other side of a huge mountain of survival. I'll stay awake for that.

10 years ago I was hitting the 20's with a grad school degree, my own apartment, and dreams so too big for any dream catcher. 10 years ago you couldn't pay me to think anything other than what I was thinking my life was going to be like. 10 years ago I had MY life planned. And then suddenly, Girl, Interrupted.

Here I am 10 years later. Older, scarred, doubtful, emotional shaken, adjusting, and LIVING.

I think Sade said it best:
"I've lost the use of my heart
But I'm still alive.
Still looking for the light
And the endless pool on the other side
It's the wild wild west
I'm doing my best
I'm at the borderline of my faith
I'm at the hinterland of my devotion
I'm in the front line of this battle of mine
But i'm still alive..."

Its been 10 years. 10 LONG years but I'm here.

I'll take it.