It is What it Is, Waving the Pompoms...

Amazingly enough after posting a status update and two twitter posts on the same topic, I caught a tweet from Rev Run..."If you're a side chick and you marry that man (remember), that side chick position is now open again!"

I don't know what it is but in the past few weeks I've noticed I'm getting more and more impatient with being able to tolerate this topic amongst friends. Bad relationships.....nothing's new, it was here before me and will be here after me. What I can't seem to deal with is the way some folks try to convince me that those bad relationships are better than no relationships at all. Far be it for me to be the only open minded person. I'm not judging, everyone has their own lives to live, so if you are ok with being the side chick, the maybe chick or the sometimes chick, do you, whatever floats your boat. You are not who I'm talking to. But if you ask my opinion and really want it about what works for ME, please don't try to make me change my mind. I'll be single forever if it means avoiding the pain and heartache of willingly keeping myself in a bad relationship.

Hear what I said, WILLINGLY keeping yourself there. I'm not talking about those times when you didn't know Exhibit A (jackass of a man) wasn't for you....hightailing it out of that relationship is a plus. We all go through it, and I dare even say its a necessary evil. After all can you appreciate Exhibit B (God's gift of a man to you, not perfect, but loving) if you never met Exhibit A. But some ladies, for whatever reason, seem to be drawn to Exhibit A and stay there, for years.

Since this is my blog, Imma give you my opinion even when you didn't ask for it (if you don't want it, stop reading here. As a matter of fact if you don't want my opinion quit reading my blog altogether, lol ). No woman should ever willingly accept heartache ridden companionship over a time period of peaceful and single solitude. NO WOMAN. I don't care if you think you're the type of person who needs constant companionship, ask a few friends in loveless marriages.....they'd rather be single. I don't care if consistent sex is your thing, that's what a willingly casual sex partner (if there is such a thing) or the plethora of sex toys is for. (And last time I talked about it, you ladies warned me that the toys are most times better than the man, lol). Yup I said it, do what you have to, but I will never agree that any of my sisters should suffer through bad relationships cause its ok. Its not and you're worth more than that.

If he didn't want you then (baby I'm just not ready, its not you its me....insert any other lame ass excuse here) he really doesn't want you now. If he cheated on you then (it was just one time, my marriage isn't working out...insert yet another lame ass excuse here) he'll cheat on you forever. And again, as Rev Run said, a man who wants a side chick will ALWAYS want a side chick.

Lets be real. There are some things if life that suck and we just have to accept it. Lose a child, painful as it is we accept it. Deal with a painful diagnosis, gotta accept it. Born too tall, too fat, too small, 6 toes, celuloid thighs, gotta accept it. Why the hell is moving on from a bad relationship so damn hard for some people to do?

I'm tired of watching my beautiful,loving, successful, fun, friends melt into a sad pool of "why doesn't he love me?"mantras. Even if you don't see it now, trust that you deserve the love that God ordained for every human being desiring to be in relationship with others. And its not going to be easy, it never will be. Nothing worth it is easy. Again, it will NEVER be easy to say no. If you're waiting for it to be easy, you'll be waiting forever. You and exhibit A dancing a never ending jig to pathetic music. Some things require an active, everyday decision to NOT do something that you think feels good to you. Ask a former drug addict, murderer, child molester, every day is a constant battle to make the decision NOT to fall prey to that addiction. Break your own addictions, your addiction to a bad man.

Again (I can't say it enough), its not going to be easy. Yes you'll have to lose the number (who stays friends with someone who hurt you??) you'll have to do dinner alone (and pay for it). Guess what? Life goes on.....(isn't that what you say to me or think about me when I get depressed about my cancer experience....Sophie move on! So easy to say to me, but apply it to yourself and things get tricky, huh?)

Imagine yourself 10 years from now, still wallowing in a bad relationship with a man who'll never be who you need him to. You and Exhibit A celebrating the next decade of your life like a syndicated tv show. Heck imagine the last few years you've been dealing with it. Life is ticking and its not going to stop to wait for you to get yourself together......

I'm done ranting now. But I'll never be done encouraging my fellow sisters who ever think they deserve less than they do. Its the counselor in me, I'll always be your cheerleader!! You may not always like the cheer, but I'm going to wave the pompoms anyway!!

Like I said on my Facebook status: Sisters, if you're his other woman, his sometimes woman or his maybe woman, you're selling yourself short. Cry over the spilled milk, then clean it up and MOVE ON!! God's plan for love is nothing like that..."Take me back in the day when loving was pure. Love ain't going away, love is always secure. Life's not always perfect but love's always forever. Lets let true love connect lets try lasting forever..."