Unsettled.....in my spirit

I know its been a while since I've written. Just haven't been in a blogging kind of mood lately. But of course tonight I'm up and wide awake, so what else is there to do?

Have you ever had a time when life just seems unsettled, your mind and your spirit seems unsettled? That's how I'm feeling lately, just unsettled in many ways. Its one of the most annoying feelings too, feeling like things just aren't as they should be. I'm not talking about the superficial "I should be right now". Its more of a "I just don't know what to do" kind of feeling instead. With life, with work, with church, its just all up in the air for me right now. I'm smart enough to know that I can't give up on all these things while I "figure it out". Quitting my job, my church or my life prematurely would only add to a host of issues already lingering.

Never quite felt this way before............happiness yes, frustration, sadness, fear, yes. But unsettled............no and I can't put my finger on it. Can't make any real decisions because every decision I make I then turn around and second guess myself. Going to church, staying "prayed up" (as the southern folk say), but still not feeling at peace.

About the only thing I'm certain of these days is this ongoing quest towards weight loss/getting fit. I'm now about 58 pounds down for those of you following it. I'm learning so many things about myself in this process but that's the topic of a whole other blog I'll write about soon. Weight loss, at least the numbers part of it is a concrete thing. You either gain, lose or stay the same each week. Right now its the most comforting thing I deal with on the regular, step on my scale each week (or every day if I'm in an obsessive kind of mood) and I get a number. Whether it goes down or stays the same (haven't had a gain yet, thank God!) at least its something.

There's no question there. Now why can't the rest of my life be like that?!!

I know I know, everyone goes through this don't they? Guess its my turn, only problem is, no one's told me how to get out of it. A scripture comes to mind in all this Psalm 46:10 Be still and know that I am God. I'm trying my best to be still, to not make any major decisions, not do anything drastic, but its hard not to want to do something out of sorts just to shake up how life is going right now.

Don't have any wisdom to impart, just venting. If you have a gem for me, feel free to tell me now.

I think what's bothering me most is that I don't know if this is the calm before the storm, or the path to a blessing of some kind...........