Pride Goeth before a Fall.....off that darned Elliptical!

36 pounds down and I'm still kicking (Yay Me!)

I have to say, this is the longest time I've committed to weight loss and healthy eating ever. Something must have stuck because I'm finding myself actually.........dare I say it.................craving exercise. Ssssh don't tell! LOL

No seriously, I am loving being a healthier person. Most aspects of it I've gotten so used to. (minus the sore thighs of course!) I can kick butt walking, dancing, doing aerobics, I've even tried my hand at a bit of kickboxing. I've been walking around with my head held high, shoulders puffed out, just knowing that I'm a big shot. But of course there's always a challenge. This month's new challenge was called the elliptical machine. (I of course, call it the devil machine)

I'm not a gym person. I'm much more content sweating it out in the comfort of my living room. I don't enjoy passing out in front of buff people at the gym. Never understood the concept of embarrasing oneself every day at the gym in front of strangers. I've learned that strangers are never strangers for long. Those same people who see me limp off the elliptical after its kicked my butt, will show up on my job, at church, or staring at me in the line at the grocery store. (Probably looking at me snickering and thinking that's the little girl who didnt survive the ellliptical)

I was convinced by a friend, Diane, to test out the elliptical one day that we actually went to a gym (only becuase it was too cold to walk outside) Never mind the fact that there were loads of people there, and everyone else on the other ellipticals were buff and looked like they belonged. My first step on was a disaster, didn't realize the steps moved quite so quickly. So I fell off. (no snickering please) But I braved it and stepped back on lured by my friend who wowed me with the fact that the elliptical burned more calories than other machines. She knew exactly what to say to get me on that blasted machine, a magic word............calories.

I've become calorie obsessed lately. Now that I've fully grasped the calories in calories out concept, it puts a whole new meaning to eating. I'll eat a cup of fruit and then think about the fact that it takes me 20 minutes of aerobics to burn that piece of fruit off. I walk unneccasarily in my office building just to up the steps on my pedometer. Did you know you're supposed to take 10K steps per day? When i started this I average around 3K. Now I"m averaging about 6500. My goal is 10K by the summer time. Anything to know that I'm burning calories. And did you know the smaller you get the harder it is to burn calories? Seems like a jip..........to know I was burning more calories fat than I am now that I'm getting smaller. Shouldn't the reward be the other way around? Burn nothing for being a big fat slob, but as you gain a waist, one should be blessed with burning a zillion calories just for getting on the elliptical....oh yeah! that's what I was talking about...

So I start the elliptical machine. No one bothered to tell me that one requires the strength of a herd of elephants to keep that thing moving. And who thought that on top of feeling like you're climbing mountains trying to move your legs, you also should be moving your arms like you're skiing. Now picture this, in order to successfully manipulate the devil machine you have to mountain climb and ski at the same time.

Somewhere around the 3rd minute (stop laughing that was the longest 3 minutes of my life!) I realized that I may be losing this challenge. But of course my pride gets the best of me... I decide that unless God sounded the trumpet of rapture, I was going to stay on that machine 7 more minutes just to say I had done 10 minutes. What springs to mind now is the scripture "pride goeth before a fall". Amazing how the Word has its implications in some of the most mundane things. So I plug on on Mount Everest, feeling like I had a herd of elephants sitting on my shoulders.

Each minute after the first 3, revealed a greater truth. My quest for 10 might never be.

Min 4: just six more minutes, you can do it! You'll be able to walk off that machine with pride, proving to the other buff folks that you deserve to be there. That you're one of them, sweating it out, getting fit, staring with disdain at other unfit folks, looking at them with pity.

Min 5: I think my legs are going numb. I can't even feel them. But you can't get off now, you're trying to be part of the crowd. Look over at the girl next to you, how long has she been on............... 46 minutes?!

Min 6: ok I don't think I even have legs anymore, maybe they fell off. Or maybe two of those elephants are now grabbing on to my legs. Somehow shame doesn't seem so important anymore. Who said quitters never win, I think it'll be a win to get off now and have some parts of my legs functioning in 24-48 hours.

Min 7: Whoever coined the phrase "feel the burn" was an idiot. It was more like feel the pain!

Min 8: am I going backwards or forwards on this thing? (as my friend told me I was apparently going back wards at some point) who really cares though, now that my thighs were aflame. Was I really concerned about ellliptical etiquette at that point, NO!

Min 9: there's no shame in quitting at minute 9 is there?

Min 10: who's that fat girl on the floor? Oh! that's me.


I coudn't even walk off the elliptical with pride that I had made it ten minutes. I fell off as if there was a big force that pushed me straight to the ground. As I sat on the floor, I noticed people watching me with that look of pity.

You know the look....you're probably doing it now reading my story!